Desire Avenue

I'm going crazy [crazy]
We spent a nice time yesterday and then she left suddenly...
So I called her today and I felt the same way like she broke up the last time She was very distant and told me she didn't fell nice our relationship.... So i guess she will call me soon to break up again....
Wild mood swings [fire] [censor]

any updates today?

she's sounds indecisive...

i wish i knew how men think too.
i watch my crush closely. he always avoids my eyes. problem is, before, he always used to stare at them!
when i'd realised i'd fallen for him i didn't treat him like a friend anymore. now we're all formal around each other. i'd like things back to where it all started. it's impossible to work with the subject of a crush, i've realised. okay. back to the alex relationship.
[king]

I stopped this too disturbing relationship few days ago because she started to play with my me and my feelings again. She admitted she acted badly with me and asked me to forgive her for that.
So back to life without a lover and in fact i'm not sad at all, just enjoying the good times

whatis wrote: i wish i knew how men think too.
i watch my crush closely. he always avoids my eyes. problem is, before, he always used to stare at them!
when i'd realised i'd fallen for him i didn't treat him like a friend anymore. now we're all formal around each other. i'd like things back to where it all started. it's impossible to work with the subject of a crush, i've realised. okay. back to the alex relationship.
[king]

funny, it must be a guy thing. this guy i used to like acted the *exact* same way before i told him. after a while we got really formal too. it worked out ok, we're friends. i need someone thats more into music anyhow(and he's too perfect i'd never feel his other half!).

have you known your crush a while whatis (angie i think right?)


secrets:

-I'm not afraid of anything ("i'll only smile..")

-i want to be remembered by my art and music when i die

-i would like to marry my gay friend joe one day, though i know i won't

-i want my ashes spread in stokholm

ruth1998 wrote:-i want my ashes spread in stokholm

Sorry to disappoint you but we have VERY restrictive laws about those things here.

ruth1998 wrote:

whatis wrote:
have you known your crush a while whatis (angie i think right?)

it's coral [bday]

i've known him vaguely since my student nursing days..(i was attached to the other ward) he just stood out somehow for being 1.86 metres tall (like Yao Ming, i guess) the other day i caught him adjusting the clock...

anyways..i've been working at this ward for 5 months now..

there was once he hid my door pass (without which i can't get to staff only places) so i would stay even longer to chat with him. we ended up taking a taxi together but which only took me to the bus stop i guess because i felt so tense. we're still pretty good friends and i've lent him a couple of books. we don't chat about certain stuff because he thinks my education level is lower than his (to the contrary, actually) only because i've lied to the entire world to get sponsorship for a nursing course.

actually i have an inferiority complex now about relationships so i guess i'll let this one peter out or develop by itself. maybe one day i'll get myself so intoxicated that i'll blurt my guts out eventually.

daniel wrote:

ruth1998 wrote:-i want my ashes spread in stokholm

Sorry to disappoint you but we have VERY restrictive laws about those things here.

NO worries, no disappointment. I didn't mean officially anyway....i have my
ways...

whatis wrote: ...maybe one day i'll get myself so intoxicated that i'll blurt my guts out eventually.

taking the easy way out huh? i *really* can't say i blame you. It seems to me whenever you try it never works out. Maybe It's the best. Or maybe you'll end up cursing him out for leading you on for so long. Funny how guys don't use their brains sometimes;)

tiffany

ruth1998 wrote: taking the easy way out huh? i *really* can't say i blame you. It seems to me whenever you try it never works out. Maybe It's the best. Or maybe you'll end up cursing him out for leading you on for so long. Funny how guys don't use their brains sometimes;)

tiffany

been there, done that.
i just want to have my crush in silence..crushes are fun or excruciating for that reason. the only time the other party ever has a crush on you's when your crush has ended! only THEN can the relationship begin. by the time i'm really friends with him i suspect, i won't be as attracted...he's beginning to suspect, heehee.. [b)]

he's told me he has a crush on somebody else. i can't believe it. i feel like i've been led on...state of denial. i feel hurt of course..what i took as reciprocation had always been friendship on his part. he's less perceptive than i thought. someone else told me he's the playboy type and i didn't take her advice.

from now on, strictly colleague only, no more friends.

particularly traumatic in the workplace because i see him all the time. i did tell him directly that i had a crush on him, only ended up boosting his ego i guess. well, if you aren't attracted, why don't you refuse, guys? is your ego so important to you?

that really freakin' sucks, girl. especially that you have to see him all the time.
but no worries, this too shall pass. somehow it always does, no matter how long it takes (i'm also sure you've thought this to yourself already). Maybe the whole leading you on thing will turn you off of him a bit, if not, think about it, it's not the kind of person you wanna be with, right? anyway i'm sure you've got friends to comfort you which is very good cuz i never seem to have the right words;) i just feel your pain acutely in the recent past. so, be good. okay? okay.

-

---I spent last night before work with a couple of friends, my ex roommates: a gay guy and a straight girl. We got alittle messed up, you know, the usual alcohol and mary jane. I felt good, really good. It had been a while, about 9 months or more or sobriety. Then i got to thinking, after all i've been thru, with all i have, why is it i'm happiest when i'm with these particular friends all f---ed up? Am i that bad off? I think i am. Then a bunch of things like religion and moral come into play, but i'm so not going into it now.

----Also, i think i'm in love with a gay man. He's the only man i think i could ever spend my life with. We're excellent friends, and i don't think he's really gay...one of those guys with a twisted childhood with no help at all. And a whole individuality thing too, he's only 19, so there's hope yet. We've talked, that's the only reason i think his like for guys is temporary. One thing i've found is that gay people are gay because they like to be gay and be different in a way. Whether people agree or not is irrelevant, point is that that is how he is. While i was feelin' good last nght i almost came on to him. Thank goodness for self control.

ruth1998 wrote:---I spent last night before work with a couple of friends, my ex roommates: a gay guy and a straight girl. We got alittle messed up, you know, the usual alcohol and mary jane. I felt good, really good. It had been a while, about 9 months or more or sobriety. Then i got to thinking, after all i've been thru, with all i have, why is it i'm happiest when i'm with these particular friends all f---ed up? Am i that bad off? I think i am. Then a bunch of things like religion and moral come into play, but i'm so not going into it now.

----Also, i think i'm in love with a gay man. He's the only man i think i could ever spend my life with. We're excellent friends, and i don't think he's really gay...one of those guys with a twisted childhood with no help at all. And a whole individuality thing too, he's only 19, so there's hope yet. We've talked, that's the only reason i think his like for guys is temporary. One thing i've found is that gay people are gay because they like to be gay and be different in a way. Whether people agree or not is irrelevant, point is that that is how he is. While i was feelin' good last nght i almost came on to him. Thank goodness for self control.

hold on girl!!
when i was 19 i fell in love with a gay man too (yeah, the coincidence ) problem was, i thought he had a fucking twisted childhood, a totally dominating mother and weak-ass father who helped to make him gay, like some kind of disease that you could cure. i thought i could cure him of his gayness, but being the young guns that we were, we ended up stereotyping ourselves into opposite gender roles to get out of this mess. he was very into tori, and jewel, and chick-torchy love songs, and i was into industrial guitarist stina. stina suggested that she's some kind of lesbian in PAS, and we kinda linchpined onto that at the time. this was some kinda spectacular mess; i felt encouraged to be empowered to be as boyish as i was (and i was at the time) while he could be as gay as he normally was! and i thought this was love, while it was just some kind of desperate mutual acceptance of each other's company. i've learnt to respect people for who they are since, not in terms of their differences from me (or in terms of my prejudices) but how well they treat/accept other people for who they are, and how clearly we see ourselves. it's not about conformity, or whatever gender you could be, this thing called friendship.

more next on your first paragraph, and thanks for that advice, my friend! things are getting less and less two-dimensional than what i've written..and i'm trying to find the words...

I'm so glad I'm old and boring and settled.

I've been desperately trying to think of a secret to post, but I don't seem to have any worth reporting. Um ....... sometimes I daydream that I leap over the counter at work and hack to death some of the miserable, rude, ungrateful shits I have to serve? Yeah. That'll be mine. [:o]

elizabeth wrote:I'm so glad I'm old and boring and settled.

I've been desperately trying to think of a secret to post, but I don't seem to have any worth reporting. Um ....... sometimes I daydream that I leap over the counter at work and hack to death some of the miserable, rude, ungrateful shits I have to serve? Yeah. That'll be mine. [:o]

LOL! wouldn't you just love to sometimes?? oh yeah...DON"T! you go to jail and stuff Its no fun.

shoot, i guess it's time to reveal another secret, i can't get around it.

whatis, it's amazing how similar your life sounds to mine. really. We basically did the exact same thing. He's liked guys for a while, and when i met him i liked girls. So it was all good cus there was never any awkwardness to it since there was no danger of anything ever happening. just a lesbian and a gay man. I do still like girls, but have repressed it abit and become attracted to guys too (obviously). But Joe (the gay guy) and I have always been awesome friends, it's so fun to talk about old times of sex drugs and rock 'n roll.

But even if nothing ever does happen, it'll be okay. I've become kind of an expert at not really truly letting myself like someone or show it until i know they like me too. But secretly, i'll be slowly trying to seduce him...lol. we'll see what happens. I mean i'm sure there'll be many drunk nights to follow


and elizabeth....you're not old til you 70!!