Desire Avenue

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. .....Here are this year's winners:?


1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.?


2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.?


3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.?



4 . Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.?


5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.?


6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.?


7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.?



8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.?


9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.?



10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)?


11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.?


12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.?



13. Glibido: All talk and no action.?



14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.?



15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.?


16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.?


17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.?



And the pick of the literature:?



18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.

the last one's the best!

I have the same thing ... kind of. I call it "Black-Eyed Angel's Dictionary of Despair". Here are some samples.

Main Entry: black?eyed?an?gel
Function: noun

1 : a typically benevolent celestial being who is characterized by a morbid or grimly satiric way of regarding things and conventionally appears in the image of a human figure with a halo and wings
2 : a guardian spirit or guiding influence who a : appears to emanate from a source other than the actual point of origin b : presents the ability to make intellectual or aesthetic judgments marked by anger or sullenness
3 : a kind and lovable person often affected by disaster

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Main Entry: lack?of?com?fort
Function: noun

1 : to be deficient of or missing a: strengthening aid: ASSISTANCE, SUPPORT b : consolation in time of trouble or worry : SOLACE<br>
2 : to bve short or have need of a feeling of a : relief or encouragement b : well-being<br>
3 : to suffer from the absence or deficiency of a satisfying or enjoyable experience
4 : to stand in need of one that gives or brings comfort

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Main Entry: ghost?of?hap?pi?ness
Function: noun

1 : a disembodied soul of good fortune : PROSPERITY, JOY : believed to be an inhabitant of the unseen world or to appear to the living in bodily likeness : SPIRIT, DEMON
2 : a faint shadowy trace of a state of well-being and contentment
3 : a false image of a state of happiness or bliss : FELICITY, APTNESS : <i>especially</i> the treacherous reflection of a pleasurable or satisfying experience
4 a : a false source or cause of delight through the prospect of possessing what one desires b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion