Desire Avenue

I've decided i need to start writing again. It's just one of those things that keep me sane, I didn't realize until i stopped. I figured some people would appreciate it. Feel free to post any critisim or comments, let me know how you feel, offensive or not;) Or just read and be on your way.

I start with a song i wrote a few years ago, only because it's been stuck in my head and i refuse to play it on guitar because there's a passion, sadness to it I don't want to remember or feel again..especially on purpose.

Guilty

"Don't let him run
Don't let him find me"
She begged me then
As she sat and cried

"What have you done?
Now, don't defy me"
I said again
Third time that week I sighed...

I'd heard him yell
I'd looked around me
Someplace in hell
I knew the scene that played

When walls went up
Noone, I could see
No harm was done
Or better her than me...

-Now don't say i was younger then
-The world i did not know
-My heart's half grown because of them
-Who proofed me from the blame...

Not her
She's gone

I loved her then
I love her still now
My only friend
Inside that cave of beasts

I'll kill him now
My hands will somehow
Into his grave
i'll murder him again

-Now don't tell me that time will heal
-Go live my life guilt free
-I bear so much i should not feel
-Unholy let me be

Not her.
She's gone.
Her chance.
Is done.

------------------------------

I'm guilty
I'm guilty
I'm covered with blood.

I'm guilty
I'm guilty
Don't blame me, my love.

I'm sorry
I can't be
Your saviour today.

I'm guilty
I love you
I wish i had stayed...

great! albeit very sad, but it's indeed a good way to deal with things experienced; i wrote some too, but haven't done so for quite a while; let's see if i can dig up some treasures from the past... [l)]

Thanks. It's not an experience(thank goodness), I'm sure I'd be *way* more screwed up than i am now;) Just a way to express extreme sadness thru a story of something that many are saddened by, i guess. something like that.

you should definitely dig out you old poetry, It's kinda nice to look back and see how you used to think. Alot of old stuff by me i hate reading cuz it's so bad, and to think i thought it was worth saving...

okay *relief* -so that's pretty much like Stina is using stories in her songs to deal with certain emotions and situations. It's very interesting!

lol...

always nice to be compared to stina.

Great to read you again, Ruth...
You' re so right about the old things we wrote (or painted). Actually, sometimes it happens the other way as well, some things I thought were non sense craps that appeared to make much sense years later...
That would be great if we could have a dynamic of exchange of poems and opinions on this board, that would enliven things a bit!
Too bad i have so little time!

I could not agree with you more.

This is nowhere near finished, but it's a song that i started a long while ago and it keeps getting stuck in my head, so i think it's begging me to finish it. I'll edit it as it goes along...

I'm alone again.
I sit here trying to care.
Try to force myself
To feel what just isn't there

The guilt builds up inside
I've grown so good at hid-ing it these days
Gonna swallow my pride
Then spit it right back.

Cuz I'm angry today...
Keep the monster at bay...
Bet it all, now i pay...
Nothing left here, but hey...
______

Got a bunch of friends
I lost them once
I came back
We shed a few tears

Now I'm almost gone
They hardly know
Mabe they'll realize in a few years.
(that's how long it took them the first time)

Apathy perseveres
Ain't sheddin' no more tears for them
No how
It's gonna hurt them, i'll fear
Then cut 'em right off

Cuz I'm angry today

Thank you again Ruth!!!
Gosh, I can connect so much to it these days!!!!
This is me talking!
Ah, I wish I could hug you right now!

awesome.

hey, i'll take the wish of a hug anyday ;)

Everytime i try not to write
another stupid love song
something hits me so strong, oh.
Funny how we always deny
the side we want to hide then
eliminate our lose/win, oh.

It's not right.
It can't happen.
It's real life.
Dreams aren't burdens.
A still plot.
Draw the curtains.

Hope this preformance satisfies.

Go,
take the long way.
Cedars and truth and
i'll wait for you.
Don't go
when i leave you.
The damn might fail.

I won't be there for you

Beat about the hedge to ensure
the truth is still avoided.
Simple, known and sordid, oh.
You know i'll never know what to do.
Stunted, screwed, a lose lid.
I'd love you like you never did.

I can't think,
It's too smoky.
Here's my heart,
you hold the key.
It's cliche.
okey dokey

Don't really give a fuck

You're so blind.
Did you hear me?
Nevermind.
I almost see.
The wrong track.
How can that be?

Your vanity should turn me off.

But go,
take the long way.
Cedars and truth and
i'll wait for you.
Don't fall where i leave you
I can't be there, no
I won't be there for you.

Watching there
I knew you were the one
That made smiles come undone and
I should've warned her
But I chose the chance
To learn her own way

Why the guilt
When I prayed for the man
That would conquer my shame and
I should've warned her
I should've told her
I shouldn't have let her learn from experience
The moves she made
When love was the game we played
Or how the rules were laid...

She was first
Let her fly, let her flirt
Never thinking the worst but,
I wouldn't spare her
All my life had only loved myself

And I thought
As I always do
'Bout my dreams
And would they come true
I was stuck
On myself again
And I'd kill all the "I"'s in this song if i could

"I'm in love," she swore,
"With a man, you see
And I don't know
If he could ever love me
There's a chance
Can't rely on that
For hopes that've fallen have left lives flat.

Can't rely on that
I turn my head as she laughs
So young
So strong
So why'd it feel so wrong

She had no clue
Long as I stuck around
Turned his smile upside down and
He couldn't ignore me
And I'm not the type to be ignored

[edit]

Colours and Motivation

I asked him one Tuesday morning
Why he killed.
Why he struck without a warning
Why his hate and rage he tilled.

He glanced up, left and to the ground
Then ascertained with vision
If I'd be the one to hear the cause
To him, a life decision

"You get a rush, an undertoe
When violins are screaming.
Can't keep your fingers frozen
As the drum continues beating.
The sharps, the flats control your dreams
Your thoughts, imagination

But I can't see a single hue
And that's my motivation.


There was a man, a sinnerman
On death row there, he waited.
We weren't aquainted, I was there
It's not that complicated

They asked him if he felt his wrong
It was his final question
"Go to Hell," was his respond
So far from a suggestion

I'd asked him with indifferent lips
Because why waste emotion?
If he still feared that fiery pit
The well known fabrication

"I'm hopin' that it's real," he spoke
"I hope it's red and crimson.
Cuz this world's boredom I can't stand
This bland dilapidation

And that's my motivation
How I bred impatience.