How to cope with...

[Elforel]

Hello everyone,
here is a perfect question for the ever shining party people that we Stina fans are:
-How do you cope with longing? [help]
I mean, how do you cope with the memory of past loves, even if you are happy today. Do you just try to forget it all and burn pictures or do you try to deal with it regularly.. How do you cope with disapearance? [help]
...or...how do you not cope?

---how I miss Rob [disguise] sometimes---
[help]

[kuhn]

Lost friends, memories, places still haunt me from time to time.

Sadly, I have no great way to deal with the past, good or bad.

It's very painfull sometimes.


I think I may need some advice too!

[fog]

Hey Elfy! How's it going my friend?
Do for me, I guess sometimes it's normal to have some 'blast from the past' memories that may haunt you for a few days or even weeks... I mean, we're humans, it's a natural procedure, this little thought in the back of your head that subconciously rises in no time and spoils -probably- the moment that you're living this particular time...It happens! [crazy]
But i guess that if things and thoughts like these appear all the time, then this really is something that you have to fight for NOT to happen because then i guess it's becoming like a real problem out of nothing...there is no special reason to this reaction, it only causes bad mood, right? So why should any of the people on earth let this happen? It's up to anybody's strength and desire for mental piece to fight as an individual...
This is my -sort of kind of- "philosophy"
Now as far as my individual is concerned, then yes, it happens to me sometimes, i have lost lots of beloved people in the past, for many reasons that is worthless to refer to right now i guess...
But since i think know what you mean Elfy and if you really made up your mind and there is no return, then the best thing you can do is to remember these moments and these people/person with a smile...I guess the only thing that counts nowadays is the good times...The era that we're living in is definately weird...rules are made by the way that we see the future and what's gonna happen with our lives and not the opposite unfortunately...
People come and go, i know...sad but true...some people come to you for a reason, some others for a season and so on...so...?
So live your life cuz life IS beautiful and it's up to us the way we're gonna make beauty happen and always remember the past with a smile thinking of all the good times that you had! [tup] [love]

[sound world]

Oh Elfy....
Matthew has said it all...
but I'd add that you should always allow yourself to indulge in these feelings.Funnily enough they are part of the process of letting go of them,I think,finally after all these years of living in them.
Some of us are nostalgic romantic people-it's a part of being human...
Like the Beatles said,finally-the love you take is equal to the love you make. [crazy]
But I don't know.Go with it,don't deny yourself.

[*]

What a timely topic. Had my b'day yesterday which is just a bloody joke, and is alway a massively depressing time as far as memories of the past are concerned. Today's not a good day for delving into this. I'll get back to youse all on this one. [b)]

[Elforel]

Oh, well, I see it is not that easy for any of us to forget people and things, is it...
Fog, my dear friend,thanks for your words_ you perfectly understood who I mean. But then again, just like Kuhn said, it is not only about love affairs but also people, times and places...
But what is your personal attitude to occasional crisis, do you stay alone or meet friends?
Do you just sleep it over? Do you get drunk? Do you listen to Stina Nordenstam (like I am now)?
Do you flirt with the man with the gun(like we were then) ?

[kuhn]

Such a great and creative expression!!!:

To flirt/play/gamble with the man with the gun/ armed man!

[wirbel]

I'll always think back of the past and usually of the great things that have happened, but also of the people i miss. I usually play Stina's music then to make me feel better; i love memories of good times and nice places and i long to go to places like that or to have good times like that again; that's how i can look forward to the future, to know i'll be in a place like that again and to look forward to that...
It helps thinking of a good thing once a day, something that you would like to happen, or somewhere you'd like to go to. The longing of something special is what keeps me going.

Have you also experienced that you've not really liked some occasions, but afterwards when you look back it feels much better and you can only remember the good things about it? that happens to me a lot

also try to remember there's always someone who loves you, even when you think there's no one... And if you feel alone just listen to Stina, cause i think it helps too

[daniel]

What do you mean?

I party to Stina's music ... wooooo hooooo dewds!!!

[fog]

Fog, my dear friend,thanks for your words_ you perfectly understood who I mean. But then again, just like Kuhn said, it is not only about love affairs but also people, times and places...
But what is your personal attitude to occasional crisis, do you stay alone or meet friends?
Do you just sleep it over? Do you get drunk? Do you listen to Stina Nordenstam (like I am now)?
Do you flirt with the man with the gun(like we were then) ?

Occasional crisis...This is a really big topic to discuss about!
Well,if that happens tome i try to entertain myself doing other things, like making music, drawing, going out for walks, calling my friends and talk about me (it works like a relief most of the times) and anything that can distract my attention from this thought; well, if i feel that this thought hurts me or frustrates me...
Sometimes it can be so intense that nothing else can make you temporarily forget...well in such kind of circumstances there is not much to do apart from waiting...Time is the best doctor i guess, it can heal lots of wounds that the past has left... 'Till then look for happiness and beauty to simplicity...In small, everyday things!
Also, sometimes it can appear as stress, or anger...In this occasion i suggest you to turn your stereo's volume to the max, put on Courtney Love's "Mono" and scream as the song goes! Then i'm sure you'll feel much much better!

[Elforel]

Well, as Wirbel said (by the way, did u have another nick on cqd?I am still confused here), listening to Stina helps.
I was very surprised yesterday, i put my md with all albums on, and i thought that would drive me to the edge of my 4th floor balcony or make me open a bottle...But it didn't.
Once again, it just soothed me so deeply, so beautifully. I had forgotten how magical these albums were.
Of course it didn't really solve anything-what you feel is what you are- but it really got me onto a positive vibe. Gosh, that is why i love this place too. Desire Avenue forum has this good feeling too. I don't miss CQD now. I feel home. Thanks to all of you guys.
And yes, Time is the best healer...But the fact that it makes you forget bad things is not always good. Imagine you left someone you loved terribly but had to leave because the relationship just didn't work. Then you forget that the relationship didn't work. What are you left with?
[:xx]
And yeah!! I wish i would have some Hole here...I'd love to listen to Violet right now...Pretty on the inside!!!

[whatis]

listening to stina does not help me...wallowing in self-pity, (enjoyable as it gets) does not help.

trying to forget by substance abuse or sensory overload does not help (the memories come back, or worse get substituted by worse memories of consequences)

the closest thing that ever helped me is noticing myself, noticing who's remembering and the residue of those memories and what's beneath them. what's really beneath them, that i've got to find out, and why the longing. if those longings can ever be satisfied, i try to make myself as happy as i can, but if not, i acknowledge the longings. Just acknowledgement can appease them...temporary satisfaction only leads to more dissatisfaction.

[paul-pgss]

Walking is the solution for me.
Walking away from all things that remind me of the situation or feeling that is bothering me. While walking I always seem to be able to make up my own mind. When coming back I'm ready to face those demons and deal with them.

[sound world]

I'm with you there,Paul.Walking is great.
Have you read 'The Songlines' by Bruce Chatwin? That book might almost be subtitled 'How walking solves most everything'.

[wirbel]

Well, as Wirbel said (by the way, did u have another nick on cqd?I am still confused here), listening to Stina helps.

I was on the CQD forum under the same nick name, but didn't post that much there; i never quite got to know the forum well enough i guess, but here i can see it develop from the start and i love to be able to talk with other people who like Stina as much as I do. And yes her music is comforting for me, cause it feels like sharing the same feelings and i find it a positive feeling; most people that hear her when i play Stina think it's depressing, but i guess they don't understand the music like we do.
I've known Stina since they played Little Star on MTV and i bought ASCHE 6 years ago and i've been listening to her albums ever since (i also already had 'to the sea' since it came out).