How are you today?

[RobB]

Thats probably the right attitude to have....when you don't really care what happens.

[blue]

Yeah, I think I really am past caring at this point.

If we are made redundant, well, I'm confident I'll find something else soon. In the meantime, I intend to enjoy any free time I have, and spend it with my daughter and grandson. I probably won't get the chance again for years and years, so I shall make the most of it.

[blue]

Well, not the Meeting of Doom as we were expecting at work, basically for the moment it's a 'realignment of hours', which basically means they're cutting the total number of hours at the shop. I'm going to lose a couple off my contract, but I took the opportunity to speak to the Area Manager about the fact that my daughter will be back at work come June, and is depending on me for the bulk of her childcare. I asked if I could do my hours as a set block on Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week, and to my surprise he immediately agreed. He's delighted because normally people hate working weekends and they have trouble getting them to do it.

So yay, that solves the problem of childcare for Rocco, and also means that for the first time in my working life I'll be doing the same hours on the same days each week!

[RobB]

I asked if I could do my hours as a set block on Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week, and to my surprise he immediately agreed. He's delighted because normally people hate working weekends and they have trouble getting them to do it.

Thats worked out really well all round. I know with my shop, they like me doing all-day Saturdays for the reason you gave.....most folk (even volunteers) like to have their weekends free.

Also in your case Beth, not only has it earned you a few brownie points with the Area-Manager, its also no doubt made your job safer..........although whether thats a good thing or not is still open to debate.

[blue]

Well, at least I'll only have to be in there three days a week now.

God, I've had the most awful day. You know those days when you just feel like the most useless, incompetent failure ever? I mean, I feel like that most days because I am, but this was too much. My supervisor is off this week so I've been left in charge - yes me, a part-time shop assistant - having to deal with all this admin stuff and figure work that I've never done before, a lot of it having to be done on the computer, and you know how I feel about those. Ended up in floods of tears in the stock room. The worse thing is that I know how ridiculous that is, but I get into such despair about my general incompetence with practical things. I'm just not designed for real life. [b)]

I wish there was one goddamn thing I could do right. It's exhausting being so useless.

Ah well, I'm looking after my grandson tomorrow night, at least I can do that well. One smile from him and all the ghastliness of life disappears.

[RobB]

awww Beth, you're far too hard on yourself. Sounds a daft system to me to put someone who's not into admin stuff in charge of the audit and stock take or whatever.
I'm sure you've done your best underr the circumstances and thats all you can do.
The good news is the shops profits this week have probably lept by 500% ....according to the figures anyway.

You need to sit down now and make a list of all the things you are good at........that'll give you your confidence back.

[blue]

Thanks Rob, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm afraid sitting down and trying to think of anything I'm good at would result in even more tears.

It doesn't matter really, I just get so frustrated with myself at times. In order to have self-esteem, you need something that can be ... esteemed. You know? I just don't have anything to work with. Most of the time I concentrate on the fact that I'm a great deal luckier than a lot of people in this world, I have a roof over my head and food on the table, my daughter is healthy and happy and now she has a beautiful son who's come into the world with no problems or burdens to carry. I know that's a lot to be grateful for, and I am, honestly. It's just sometimes, like today, my own inadequacy crowds in on me and I just wish I was different, just moderately competent at something like most people.

Never mind, never mind. Tomorrow is another day.

[RobB]

So there you go, you're a good parent, a good homemaker,you are excellent at writing ( the way you write is always fluent and professional looking..........you should work as a proofreader....you'd be good at that),.....i'm sure you're competent at more things than you realise...............only go steady with that system restore on your computer....you'll probably make a balls up of that.

Only joking....you'll be fine.

[blue]

So there you go, you're a good parent, a good homemaker,you are excellent at writing ( the way you write is always fluent and professional looking..........you should work as a proofreader....you'd be good at that),.....i'm sure you're competent at more things than you realise...............only go steady with that system restore on your computer....you'll probably make a balls up of that.

Only joking....you'll be fine.

You say that, but you KNOW I'm going to be in here crying for Alex when I do it and it all goes wrong.

Well, I managed to raise a clever, competent daughter who's also a lovely person and a brilliant mother herself. I must have done something right there, I guess. She is a solace to me.

[sound world]

So there you go, you're a good parent, a good homemaker,you are excellent at writing ( the way you write is always fluent and professional looking..........you should work as a proofreader....you'd be good at that),.....i'm sure you're competent at more things than you realise...............

Hear hear [tup]

[blue]

Hmm. I came very close to putting my notice in at work yesterday morning. I can't bear feeling as upset as I've been the past few days, I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

Common sense kicked in and told me to just hang on for a couple of weeks, then hopefully my new hours/shifts will start at the beginning of April as the Area Manager wants. Boy am I glad my supervisor is back tomorrow. Just one more day to get through.

On a more positive note, I stayed over at my daughter's last night as she and her partner weren't back from their night out until around 4am, so I got to see my adorable grandson waking up this morning - he's just like his mum was, he doesn't cry when he wakes up like most babies, just lies there talking to himself and gives you a big smile when you come in.

What I need at this point in my life is more grandson time and less work time, which is hopefully what I'll be getting soon.

[Angie]

Robin (15 now) is going to Africa on Friday to help at a kindergarten in The Gambia for a week.

This is awesome, Dave! How was his trip??

Hmm. I came very close to putting my notice in at work yesterday morning. I can't bear feeling as upset as I've been the past few days, I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

Common sense kicked in and told me to just hang on for a couple of weeks, then hopefully my new hours/shifts will start at the beginning of April as the Area Manager wants.

Gah, the job situation sounds super frustrating, Beth. I hope you get on your new schedule soon and can settle into something you can tolerate. Sometimes that's the best you can hope for with a job.

On a personal note, I've been at the same job for going on 11 years, and every year at this time we start to get really busy and I just want to flee. I'm hoping these next couple of months go by quickly and we can move on to summer. I can't wait to take some vacation time and just be outside with the kids. Oh, and with the husband too, I guess. But we'll get there - the temperature might get into the 50s this week and everyone's got spring fever big time.

[blue]

Gah, the job situation sounds super frustrating, Beth. I hope you get on your new schedule soon and can settle into something you can tolerate. Sometimes that's the best you can hope for with a job.

Yeah it is all pretty frustrating Angie, but I'm focusing on the very near future when hopefully I'll be spending less of my time at work and more looking after Rocco.

On a personal note, I've been at the same job for going on 11 years, and every year at this time we start to get really busy and I just want to flee.

I can well imagine, especially with two young children to raise as well! I don't know how you do it.

I'm hoping these next couple of months go by quickly and we can move on to summer. I can't wait to take some vacation time and just be outside with the kids. Oh, and with the husband too, I guess. But we'll get there - the temperature might get into the 50s this week and everyone's got spring fever big time.

Normally I'm not a great one for summer, but I have to say the last couple of winters here have been so cold I've begun to appreciate a bit of sunshine and warmth! Like you I'm looking forward to getting out and about with the young 'un. Summer is much more fun with kids around.

[Angie]

I can well imagine, especially with two young children to raise as well! I don't know how you do it.

You do what you gotta do, right? My workplace just sent out a survey today to gauge interest in an on-campus childcare facilty, which really excited me until I saw that they proposed a cost of $320 per week.

$320 PER WEEK!!! PER WEEK!!!!!! OMG!

Insanity. People have no choice but to work full time (if they can find and keep a job, that is). But most credit should go to my husband - for over three years now he has taken care of the kid(s) all day and worked all night. He's a saint.

But anyway... let's talk more about summer!

I had a nice moment with Henry last summer - we were walking to a diner for breakfast, about 8 blocks from our house. With a two and a half year old that will take you all day if you stop to inspect every blade of grass. I was pregnant and hungry and getting impatient with him. He sat on a small retaining wall on the edge of someone's lawn and I was just about ready to tell him to get his little butt up and get going when he looked up at me and said, "mama sit down?" It made me realize that I should be appreciating that walk, and I stopped and took a minute and sat side by side with him and just enjoyed the moment. I'm really looking forward to more times like that this year.

That's my story for the day.

[blue]

You do what you gotta do, right? My workplace just sent out a survey today to gauge interest in an on-campus childcare facilty, which really excited me until I saw that they proposed a cost of $320 per week.

$320 PER WEEK!!! PER WEEK!!!!!! OMG!

It's the same here Angie, my daughter looked into the costs of childcare when she was pregnant - the average for a no-frills nursery place is around £50-£60 PER DAY.

For a mother working five days a week, that's £250-£300 a week. In other words, most of her salary! It's completely insane. You'd have to be a very highly-paid professional to make it worthwhile, and even then, it would probably be more cost effective and better for the child to employ a live-in nanny.

This is why there's been a huge return to grandparents/other family members providing childcare in the UK over the last decade or so. Which I personally think is great, but not every woman will have family or friends who can help out regularly, so they're in an awful position. And lots of younger grandmothers like me are still of working age themselves, so it can be tricky trying to co-ordinate things. I've been extremely lucky in that my Area Manager gave me the go-ahead to organise my shifts around providing childcare for my grandson. That was only possible because I'm working part-time.

I really think there needs to be some kind of re-think around the whole issue of childcare. Women have been part of the workforce for decades now, it's kind of ludicrous that they're still having these problems given that many of them work out of financial necessity, not personal choice. State funding for good quality nursery places is limited to those earning under a certain income, which seems unfair. My daughter has worked hard to become a manager at a young age, yet in a sense she's being penalised for that now she's a mum.

But most credit should go to my husband - for over three years now he has taken care of the kid(s) all day and worked all night. He's a saint.

That's amazing, you're very lucky and actually so are your children - not many kids get to have that sort of time with their father, I think it's fantastic he's been able to do that.

I had a nice moment with Henry last summer - we were walking to a diner for breakfast, about 8 blocks from our house. With a two and a half year old that will take you all day if you stop to inspect every blade of grass. I was pregnant and hungry and getting impatient with him. He sat on a small retaining wall on the edge of someone's lawn and I was just about ready to tell him to get his little butt up and get going when he looked up at me and said, "mama sit down?" It made me realize that I should be appreciating that walk, and I stopped and took a minute and sat side by side with him and just enjoyed the moment.

Yep, children see the world in quite a different way to us, as we rush about trying to get from A to B and get things done. One of the best things about being a parent is being re-awakened to that sense of curiousity and joy in the world, just for its own sake.

How is Henry adapting to Ellis, btw? At three he's probably able to feel like a big brother, I'd imagine.