ruth1998 wrote:---I spent last night before work with a couple of friends, my ex roommates: a gay guy and a straight girl. We got alittle messed up, you know, the usual alcohol and mary jane. I felt good, really good. It had been a while, about 9 months or more or sobriety. Then i got to thinking, after all i've been thru, with all i have, why is it i'm happiest when i'm with these particular friends all f---ed up? Am i that bad off? I think i am. Then a bunch of things like religion and moral come into play, but i'm so not going into it now.
----Also, i think i'm in love with a gay man. He's the only man i think i could ever spend my life with. We're excellent friends, and i don't think he's really gay...one of those guys with a twisted childhood with no help at all. And a whole individuality thing too, he's only 19, so there's hope yet. We've talked, that's the only reason i think his like for guys is temporary. One thing i've found is that gay people are gay because they like to be gay and be different in a way. Whether people agree or not is irrelevant, point is that that is how he is. While i was feelin' good last nght i almost came on to him. Thank goodness for self control.
hold on girl!!
when i was 19 i fell in love with a gay man too (yeah, the coincidence
) problem was, i thought he had a fucking twisted childhood, a totally dominating mother and weak-ass father who helped to make him gay, like some kind of disease that you could cure. i thought i could cure him of his gayness, but being the young guns that we were, we ended up stereotyping ourselves into opposite gender roles to get out of this mess. he was very into tori, and jewel, and chick-torchy love songs, and i was into industrial guitarist stina. stina suggested that she's some kind of lesbian in PAS, and we kinda linchpined onto that at the time. this was some kinda spectacular mess; i felt encouraged to be empowered to be as boyish as i was (and i was at the time) while he could be as gay as he normally was! and i thought this was love, while it was just some kind of desperate mutual acceptance of each other's company. i've learnt to respect people for who they are since, not in terms of their differences from me (or in terms of my prejudices) but how well they treat/accept other people for who they are, and how clearly we see ourselves. it's not about conformity, or whatever gender you could be, this thing called friendship.
more next on your first paragraph, and thanks for that advice, my friend! things are getting less and less two-dimensional than what i've written..and i'm trying to find the words...
She was very distant and told me she didn't fell nice our relationship.... So i guess she will call me soon to break up again....
