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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 8:16 pm
by RobB
witchy wrote: On the contrary, I haven't had a day without bursting into tears and panic attacks 
Not that I'm an expert on such matters but isn't that a natural reaction to your hormones being all out of kilter?
Which leads me to a very old joke.......even older than Dave Soundworld. 
How do you make a hormone?
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Give up?
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You don't pay her. 
Anyway,back to pregnancies,here's part of an interview that my fave artist Virginia Astley gave to the UK music press in early 1987,shortly after the birth of her daughter.
It might strike a chord?
[ Difficulties when Florence was born last November, did not come to an end. "After I had her everything paled in comparison. I felt in a daze, couldn't concentrate, couldn't write, couldn't adjust to my old life. My equilibrium was up and down, I was overtired - it's torture going to sleep and being woken up for nights on end.You never catch up."
The baby books didn't tell her that labour would be so painful ( Virginia eventually gave birth by Caesarean-section), she'd warn her friends never to have children., that she'd be continually exhausted, that her hands would ache from continually carrying around 15 pounds.
"It's like women want to forget, and don't pass infomation on, don't say 'it's awful'. The physical aspect is glossed over in myths like 'nature will take care of itself', 'love and bonding will flow instantaneously'. I think nature is really hopeless 'cos the progesterone that gives you a sense of well-being during pregnancy drains away straight after the birth and you feel like shit."
The baby is, of course, worth it. ]
hmmm........personally I think this giving birth marlarky is a tad over-rated.
Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:43 am
by witchy
I can soooo relate!!!!! Thanx for posting it.
Yes, hormones are really all messed up after birth, I guess even more after heavy births. Every woman being a world apart, there are also the lucky ones who really enjoy the big moment and don't experience excruciating pain. I hate them!!! 
I hope to recuperate my brains pretty soon, my self-confidence too most of all. I can't say anything against Iker, he needs me and I'm doing my best, he's so soft and little... [love] but it's hard not to feel a bit guilty for not being the supermom I thought I would be, or I thought I was expected to be. One day at a time. Today was my first day totally home alone and I made it!
The bad luck we've been having lately hasn't helped much, yesterday night our bed broke for instance, I fell and the baby with me 
... [help] . As I said, it's not normal, I really feel like a survivor...
Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 2:02 pm
by puce
witchy wrote:
The bad luck we've been having lately hasn't helped much, yesterday night our bed broke for instance, I fell and the baby with me
... [help] . As I said, it's not normal, I really feel like a survivor...
This sounds a little Fantozzi-like.
Take care, everything will be fine sooner than you think.
Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 2:17 pm
by RobB
witchy wrote: The bad luck we've been having lately hasn't helped much, yesterday night our bed broke for instance,
I thought you said you weren't envisioning on having another baby so soon?
You have a much loved healthy baby.....you're doing fine. Try not to be so hard on yourself. 
Congratulations
Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:16 am
by paul-pgss
Hello Sara,
Congratulations with the hard job you've done: putting a babyboy on the world. I love his name Iker, have not heard it before here in The Netherlands. I like it when people try to give their child a special name.
As for the hard work you've done for the last couple of weeks, that'll be over soon. In a couple of years you'll be wondering how it could be that this child is growing up so fast. At least that's what I see with all mothers with little children that are surrounding me.
Don't forget to enjoy Iker's presence between the moments of hard work to feed him, clothe him, bath him etcetera.
Take care,
Paul
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:13 am
by blue
witchy wrote:
[what] Definitely NOT as soon as I envisioned...although the baby has nothing to do with it, I need some time to forget the delivery.
. Luckily, women are built to forget this kind of things, or so I've been told
Oh yes, that strange amnesia that seems to overtake most women within weeks of giving birth. I never got it, thankfully.
They'd have had to put me under a general anaesthetic for the birth if I'd ever had another one.
witchy wrote: On the contrary, I haven't had a day without bursting into tears and panic attacks
Time will help me rebalance, just need to be more patience with myself.
It's normal Sara, honestly. The thing to remember if you can is that the practical aspects of motherhood have to be
learned, they come more easily with experience and practice. You'll be doing it all without even thinking about it soon, but for the moment, you have to feel your way like every other new mother in history.
Thing is, your son doesn't really give a damn whether you you do it all perfectly - all he cares about is that you do it with love. [love]
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:20 am
by blue
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:28 pm
by ruth1998
that could be really bad for any experimental people to read. lol
Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:59 pm
by blue
I wouldn't recommend
experimenting with the bounciness of babies, no.
It's surprising to me now how paranoid I was about just holding my baby, carrying her around etc. I remember for the first couple of months, my foster mum and her two daughters had to bathe the baby because I was so terrified of dropping her in the water. I couldn't put her in the car if we were going out somewhere either, and I was frightened getting her in and out of her pram.
if you wanna see Iker...
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:56 am
by witchy
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 5:41 am
by Elforel
Thanks for the pictures Sara!!!!
It's so amazing to think that new life came out of you...
But I can't believe it when you say that you are disapointed because you can't be the mother you wanted to be! This is just the beginning!
I think the more decisive will be the education you will give and the way you will accompany his growth! You'll do great, I'm sure...
Bon courage, cara!
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 11:55 am
by sound world
Coojicoojicoo!!
He's lovely Sara!!
Looking at that smile picture,you know that an easy thing to do-which babies love-is to draw a big classic Smiley ( a bit like this one
without the shades!) and hang it above Iker's cot.Babies are innately able to recognise a smile as something to smile back at-and a load of other things too.Fantastic book to read on the subject (with all that time you have to spare,Sara
) is The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff.
Oh look,I've just found a link to a whole site about it so you can read while breastfeeding or whatever;-
http://www.continuum-concept.org/
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:12 pm
by blue
Love that smile! [love] [love]
Wait till you hear him laughing for the first time. [love]
[love]
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:19 pm
by witchy
Thanks everyone for the support, as usual.
Very special hugs and kisses to Franck and Puce, for their lovely cards, sorry I didn't thank you before. [love]
Things are going great. I practically spend the days in pijamas, eating in between feedings and doing little housework, but I'm not bored nor I'd want to be anywhere else. I'm TOTALLY in love with my son, the idea of "dumping" him in a creche in 1 1/2 month is appealing me less and less. I know I am supposed to go back to work, but how can you leave such a little baby with strangers? I love the time together when he's feeding, his smell, his funny faces...he's most beautiful! If nothing too dusturbing of his rythm happens, he's a pretty easy baby to handle, even when he has crying moments it's not enervating, you get a bit tired but mostly you feel sad for not knowing what's really bothering him/his need.
It's true that babies are elastic, he regularly smashes his head against my face when I put him on my shoulder and not a peep, while I'm the one hoping my nose is still intact! When the bed broke we had to go to the hospital anyway, just to be sure he was ok. Btw, our bed broke three times since we were forced to raise it from week 37 on(another stupid dutch use), not funny at all
Elfy, I was in hell the first two weeks, not only physically sick, but emotionally void. I had absolutely no control on what was going on inside me, can't even describe it. Feeding was painful and I lived it as a duty, I couldn't be sure anymore I loved my baby for real or not...I was really scared I was sinking in one of my endless depressions. Luckily by the third week I started feeling normal again, you learn on the way, but believe me, I feared I couldn't take care of my son properly while I had an exact picture of what I thought I'd be with my son... Especially when lots of people expect you to be the radiant mom, it's hard to answer their questions about your "motherhood" honestly, nobody wants to hear you're having a shitty time.
I have already forgotten the delivery, I remember how it was, but I don't feel haunted by it anymore. Next pregnancy will have to wait a bit, but there will certainly be another one
I will do the smiley thing! He enjoys smiling back at us when we do the silly parents, he's already trying different kinds of smiles, I'm sure it'll be good stimulation.
At the moment Iker is 56 cm long and weights 4575kgs. He's growing well so my milk must be good . Compared to a lot of other dutch babies I've seen here he's tiny, it's unbelievable how big and chubby they are, honestly, my partner was surprised as well...
I proceeded to have a fit of hysterics about my total failure as a mother, while my foster mum laughed herself silly. 
