Just about to go and get our tree.Our last one,which served us for 7-8 years,is now too big to fit in our living room,so I've just sweated and grunted and planted it in our garden (next to two other happily growing old ones).
Just got a card from RobB this morning,thanks RobB! Unlikely that I'll send one back except possibly an email one.Bah humbug.
But I thought I'd share this with you all that I got in an email this morning-you have probably seen it already,but anyway:-
'When singing carols this year - just bear the following in mind!!
The Rocking Carol
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk
of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.
Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece
material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a
Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will
be permitted to rock baby Jesus.
Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times, and be
prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking
commences.
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is
considered safe for members of the public to travel on.
The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to
use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are
of larger proportions.
Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before
entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in
celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and
not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around.
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and
safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without
appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches,
stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also
requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time
of year they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally
heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his
/ her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have
been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects
of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a
load a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also guidance
regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks
are required over a four hour plodding period.
Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty
road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent
inhalation of any airborne particles.
The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little'
and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To
comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an
infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be
redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for
Gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to
the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A
suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy
cause in the recipient's name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation
by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of
RAC
Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest
route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the
guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the
three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Face
masks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of
dust from the camel feet.
Away in a Manger
Away in a manger
No Crib for a Bed -
This is definitely one for Social Services!'
